i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
