I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
