Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
