highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
