I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
