In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You don't make any sense
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