My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
