Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
