Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
