peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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