Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
