At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
