i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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