Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
