i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Houston, we have a squirter
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
