I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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