would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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