The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
