Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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