walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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