I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
