here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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