highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Houston, we have a blender
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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