I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize