It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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