Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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