just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
