i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
