like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
