Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
