I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
