JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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