bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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