Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
