i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
don't judge my taste in strippers
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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