: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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