some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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