Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
