I will die if light touches me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize