I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
