Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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