Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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