So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
