could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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