I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
