you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
