If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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