my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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