Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
false alarm, still single
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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