Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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