yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
