I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
