I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
