so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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