It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I only lived at night.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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