im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
