I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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