we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
