Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
