i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
