i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
