But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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