that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
