Midget sex pt 2 tonight
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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