So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
