They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
