It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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